When She Cries A songfic
by JustMeAndEliG
Summary: When Clare cries, does anybody hear her? She says no, but a certain hearse driver says differently!
1. Chapter 1

When She Cries

(This song is by Britt Nicole and I was blown away by it. Go listen to it while reading this, it makes it ten times better!)

_******(Let's make this simple: I don't own, you don't sue. That was easy, huh?)**_

_Little girl terrified  
She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal  
A home is no place to hide  
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels_

Clare sat on her bed, typing out an essay due tomorrow when she heard the door slam. She winced as she heard the fighting begin. Usually, she stayed out of it, but when she heard her mother crying in pain, she ran down the stairs. She saw her mother sitting against the wall with a hand to her eye. Clare turned to her father, rage in her eyes. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" She screamed, staring up at the man she used to know. "Stay out of this, Clare!" Mr. Edwards thundered, raising a hand to her. Clare tried to block the slap, but failed. She cried out as he hit her again, harder. This would be another bruise for her collection, and she hurriedly ran to her room and locked the door.

_Every day's the same  
She fights to find her way  
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray  
She wonders why,  
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?_

"Hey Clare, essay done?" Eli greeted her by her locker. She smiled a little and ducked her head into her locker. She pulled out her compact with foundation and touched the sponge to her eye. "Aw, c'mon, you girls and your mirrors. You look fine," Eli said, peeking around the locker door. His eyes widened and Clare ducked her head. "CLARE!" Eli exclaimed, grabbing her wrists and turning her around. "Sorry, I gotta get to class!" Clare turned and ran down to Media Immersion. After school, she ran home up to her room and cried. Her phone rang her ringtone Check Yes Juliet and she grabbed it. 5_New Texts! _It announced. She opened it to find five new texts, all from Eli.

_**Clare, text me back now, r u ok?**_

_**CLARE! Please, Adam & I r worried!**_

_**Please txt me bck and tll me y u look beat up.**_

_**Clare Edwards, txt me bck right now!**_

_**If u dnt txt me bck, im coming ovr!**_

Clare quickly opened her phone and texted him back. _**Eli, chill, I'm fine, just tripped in the bathroom. Porcelain and my face don't mesh, huh? See u tomorrow, El. **_

_Today she's turning sixteen  
everyone's singing, but she can't seem to smile_

_they never get past arms length  
How could they act like everything is alright?_

"Happy Birthday, dear Clare, happy birthday to you!" A chorus finished as Clare blew out her candles. Her 16th birthday. She looked around the table and tried to smile. All of her friends were there: Eli, Adam, Alli, Drew, Jenna, Sav, Holly J, Fiona, and even Declan flew in. "Happy birthday Clare bear!" Jenna exclaimed, handing her a package. Clare opened it to find a beautiful locket on a chain with two pictures in it: one of Clare, Jenna, and Alli & another of Clare, Adam, and Eli. "Thank you so much!" Clare hugged her gently, feeling the kick of Baby Middleton, wincing when Jenna squeezed on her bruises. One by one, the guests give their gifts: from Sav a guitar strap and capo, from Holly J a gift card to The Dot, "In case you and Eli wanna go on a date," Holly J whispered, smiling at 'baby Edwards'. From Fiona came three designer dresses and shoes, Declan gave her an ornate frame with a picture of the two of them from the last play. Alli and Drew pitched in and got her a Fortnight Fiction Set. Adam gave her a CD labeled, "Song of Our Friendship" "The song listing is on the case," Adam pointed. Finally, Eli handed her a present. She opened it to find a large scrapbook, professionally made with over fifty pages of stories, notes, scribbles, and pictures. "Eli, it's wonderful! I love it," She said softly.

_Pulling down her long sleeves  
To cover all the memories the scars leave  
She says" maybe making me bleed  
Will be the answer that could wash the slate clean_"

After the party ends, Clare sits on the couch and looks through the scrapbook. Suddenly a shadow falls over her. "CLARE EDWARDS, who is that boy in the pictures?" Mr. Edwards yelled, yanking the book from her hands. "DAD! Give it back, please!" Clare said, snatching it from him. He pushed her against the wall and punched her in the stomach, causing her to fall to the ground in pain. "THAT WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO HANG WITH BOYS LIKE A COMMON WHORE!" He kicked her once more for good measure before leaving. Clare hobbled up to the bathroom, where she quickly grabbed a razor and before thinking, slashed her wrist. She cried harder from the pain, and she felt almost calm watching the crimson blood wash down the drain. She went to her room and changed into pajamas before crashing onto her bed. Clare cried herself to sleep that night. She woke up in the morning and searched through her closet for a long sleeved sweater. Once at school, she avoided Eli until English, then sat down before he could stop her. "Ms. Dawes? Clare isn't feeling well, can I take her to the nurse?" Eli asked. Clare's brow furrowed and Ms. Dawes nodded. As they were walking down the hall, Eli stopped Clare. "Your mom or dad?" He asked softly. Clare dissolved into tears and she choked out, "My dad!" She sank into Eli, holding onto the only thing she loved anymore. He hugged her, stroking her hair and whispering in her ear, "Why didn't you tell me?" Clare started to speak, but before she could, Eli pulled her sleeves up. "WHAT THE HECK CLARE?" He exclaimed, staring at her. "Clare, why?" He asked quietly. "It makes me clean," Clare murmured, her head in her hands. "Cutting is NOT the answer Clare!" Eli said, tilting her face to his. "I KNOW! BUT MY LIFE IS FALLING APART!" She cried, her cries breaking his heart. "C'mon, we're getting out of here," He said, carrying her out to Morty and driving away.

_This is the dark before the dawn  
The storm before the peace  
Don't be afraid because seasons change and  
God is watching over you  
He hears you_

"Why are we at church?" Clare asked, sniffling. "I may not go to church twice a week, but I know God is there. He alone can help you," Eli said, leading Clare up to the altar. She fell to her knees and cried out her anguish and hatred towards her father. "I JUST GET SO MAD!" She cried, shaking and gasping for breath. "Make it stop!" She whimpered. A tear fell out as Eli watched Clare fall apart at the altar. She ran out and he followed her to a nearby park. "Clare, what are you doing?" Eli called. Just as he spoke, thunder clapped and rain started pouring down. Clare was unfazed as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a blood crusted razor. As Eli watched, she broke it in half and threw it in the air. She ran over to a tree and started to climb until she could climb no higher. "I DON'T WANNA BE MAD ANYMORE! HELP ME LORD!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Eli ran over to catch her as she slid down. "Clare, I love you." Clare looked up suddenly. She hadn't felt loved in a while, but she felt it now with everything she had.

**_Thanks for reading this, my first fan fiction EVER! So excited! So if you wanna make my year, REVIEW PWEAZE!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey everyone! I actually got a few reviews on this? I was shocked! So I will continue doing this, so here's the deal: each chapter will be a Christian songfic about a hard struggle that Clare is going through. When She Cries was about cutting, Beautiful For Me is when Clare goes Goth thinking that Eli will like her better, Courage is about an eating disorder, and Place in This World is based on Clare's promo line: "I don't know who I am!", READ ON!**_

_**(DISCLAIMER: I do not own Degrassi or any of the songs I use!)**_

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Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection,

_Twirl around, stare it down: __What's the mirror gonna say_

_With some luck, you'll measure up_

_But you might not hold a candle to the rest_

_Is that your best? Says the mirror to the mess_

Clare woke up and got out of bed wearily. After she got a shower, she searched in her closet for something to wear.

It was finally the weekend and Clare could wear what she wanted instead of the Degrassi uniform. She picked out a blue tank with a denim jacket. She pulled on a pair of skinny jeans

and turned around to face her worst enemy: the mirror. She loosened her top a little and tried to stretch her jeans.

_I look too normal. I want to be beautiful! _Clare thought, pouting.

She texted Eli to meet her at the park and they spent the day together hanging out, eating ice cream. Clare only pretended to eat some, trying desperately not to actually eat any.

"Dontcha like ice cream, Saint Clare?" Eli teased.

Clare blushed and nodded. "I don't feel too well. I'm so sorry," She apologized.

"No problem! You should've told me!" Eli said, helping her sit down in Morty.

"Eli, when you look at me, what do you see?" Clare asked suddenly.

Eli turned to face her and smiled at her. "You are a smart, kind, loving, beautiful, caring person who I like very much." Clare's face fell and she turned away from him. He was confused, but  
drove her home so she could rest.

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* * *

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Has anybody told you you're beautiful?

_You might agree if you could see what I see_

_Oh Cuz everything about you is incredible_

_You should have seen me smile the day that I met you you're beautiful to me_

Clare cried on her bed, glaring daggers at the full length mirror on her door.

That was the cause of all her problems. As she heard her phone ring, she heard Alli's signature ring: Tik Tok. "Hello?" Clare answered wearily.

"GUESS WHAT?" All squealed. "Surprise me," Clare said unenthusiastically, but if Alli noticed she didn't let on.

"I dropped two dress sizes!" Clare bit her lip and hung up on her friend.

_Why her and not me? I just want to be pretty! I want Eli to love me! _Clare thought.

_And he will! _Clare suddenly bounced off of her bed and into Darcy's room, where she dug through a box of clothes until she found the perfect outfit; Eli will NEVER know what hit him.

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* * *

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If it's true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder

_I want my life and what's inside to give him something to behold_

Clare took off her uniform in the bathroom and hurried to where she knew Eli would be switching books. She strutted up to him and smiled. He turned to her and froze.

"Hey sexy," Clare purred.

Eli squeezed his eyes shut and opened them to find she was still here. "Who are you?" He asked.

She giggled a little and twirled a bit too enthusiastically. "C'mon, wanna skip class to have some fun?" She asked, pulling his sleeve a little.

"Uh, I have a test like right now." Her face fell a little, but bounced back.

"C'mon, live dangerously!" She insisted, hanging on his arm.

"Clare, what is wrong with you?" He sputtered. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared.

"You don't look like you anymore." He said softly. She started to cry and her gobs of eyeliner started to run.

"Careful, don't get that in your eye, it hurts. Believe me, I know." Eli gently wiped her tears and led her to an abandoned bench outside school.

"I just want you to love me and think I'm beautiful!" Clare exclaimed. "And you think dressing like a streetwalker would make you look beautiful?" Eli sputtered.

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* * *

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Close your eyes, Look inside

_Let me see the you that you've been trying to hide_

_Long ago, I knew you were beautiful_

_So I ought to know you're beautiful still_

"I just thought that if I dressed this way, you'd think I'm beautiful." Clare cried harder.

Eli carefully wiped her tears and handed her his Degrassi hoodie to cover herself with.

"Clare, I already think you're beautiful!" He insisted.

She shook her head and Eli opened his arms for a hug. She fell into him and cried. Eli rubbed her head soothingly as she sobbed.

"Clare, don't you know that I love all of you? Not just your looks?" Eli asked her gently.

"I know, I just want to be beautiful on the outside!" Clare exclaimed. Eli noticed Adam coming over, along with Alli and even Drew.

"Clare! What happened?" Alli rushed over. Clare looked at Alli and started to cry all over again. Eventually the story spilled out and Adam, Drew, & Alli all hugged Clare.

"Clare, I barely know you, but even I can see what a kind and beautiful person you are. Believe me, if Alli isn't talking about herself, she raves about you." Drew said kindly. Alli shot him a

'look' and he chuckled sheepishly.

"Clare, you accepted me. You didn't care that I was an FTM, you looked past that and saw me as a person. That is something that is really beautiful in my eyes, Clare." Adam said, hugging  
Clare tightly. Drew nodded in the background.

"Clare, you have been the bestest friend in the entire world! You were there for me with Johnny, through power squad drama, and even Drew drama."

Drew looked suitably guilty and Alli continued.

"I love you just the way you are, Clare bear. We all do!" All four of them nodded and Eli spoke up.

"Clare, I need you to listen." She raised her tear marked face to Eli and he continued.

"Clare, you are without a doubt inside and out, beautiful to me."

~End~

_**So, did that majorly suck? I kinda think it did, but eh, review and tell me differently! I really feel like Alli, Drew, Adam, Eli and Clare should all be close friends... that is just me. And I KNOW Alli left Degrassi, but in my stories, she most certainly did NOT! I am so excited for tonight's episode! I am pretty sick (throat on fire, headache, and fever), so I got to stay home from school all day! WOOT! **__**So review and I will soon be posting more!**_


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